René: I regularly have appointments with women who suffer from vaginismus or pelvic floor problems.
In addition to the therapy that you may follow with your own therapist, we will try to walk the road to physical contact and penetration together step by step. This often involves trial and error, but usually with a hopeful result.
Below you can read various reports from women and how they experienced an appointment with me. For all these women, the step to actually meet me was a very big one.
A lot preceded the moment I contacted René, of course. A mother who viewed sexuality (and men) as something negative, a terribly painful first time (which I actually wanted myself, because ‘it just had to happen sometime’), being rejected and cheated on, and more of that sort of thing. I may have subconsciously drawn the conclusion that my mother could very well be right and that same subconscious decided to protect me by making sex painful. Then I had a reason not to have to do it anymore and men could no longer hurt me. At least, in my experience it really works that way sometimes….
Eventually I ended up with a psychologist/sexologist via my GP, who forwarded me to a more physically oriented sexologist, because ‘you already know exactly how it came to be, so there is nothing I can do for you’. This physically oriented sexologist examined me and found that my complaints fell under ‘vaginism’. I’ve never completely agreed, but in the end the name doesn’t really matter. Penetration went well in principle, but with so much pain that you immediately dropped out the first second.
It has had a significant impact on my relationships, because who is waiting for me in this case? Everyone has sex, right? Everyone wants sex, right? And not only on relationships, also on my whole life, I didn’t feel like a ‘real woman’ at all. For example, I could also get very angry (which was actually just sadness of course) if sex came on TV again. You are confronted with it almost daily in this society and that is really very difficult if you struggle with this. That wound, because that’s what it was, was constantly being ripped open… And you can tell yourself for a long time that it’s fine and that you’re apparently someone who doesn’t enjoy sex, but somehow I also felt that I wasn’t that kind of person am. Deep down I felt that I did need it and wanted to enjoy it. ‘It is as it is’ I have maintained for a long time, but more than 25 years after that first time I thought it was enough. I really wanted to find out now! First I made some tentative steps with a massage (by a man, a conscious choice!), then a tantra massage (also by a man…) and then I realized that if I really wanted to continue, I had to find someone with whom I would dare to do this (and he with me…). Well, and then you go googling….what should you look for, not with a gigolo…that is something for a different type of women… Until at one point I read on a certain site that there were more women who were in such a situation as I was and René was mentioned there. I still don’t understand why I dared to do it, but after looking at his site, I emailed him and immediately explained my situation, because I wanted to make it very clear that I really was a ‘problem case’, and that it wasn’t going to be easy. His response gave me so much peace and confidence that we set a date and I immediately arranged a hotel (which I knew, that felt safe). It was terribly exciting, but I didn’t really hesitate for a moment to cancel everything. I had come this far now, I would continue now, no matter what.
I can still feel that tension from the first date, not knowing at all who you are going to meet, whether you like him, or at least nice….preferably also a little attractive, because yes, it is the intention that something more happens than just chatting. Even if you get some photos in advance, in real life it remains mega exciting. Actually, something immediately fell off me when we met, René of course knows exactly how to reassure you and sat down extensively to hear my story. I really liked that he has a lot of experience with women for whom sexuality is not self-evident.
The fact that you are actually a very inexperienced woman, that you find it all terrifying, therefore quickly disappears. Thanks to a super fine and long massage that slowly and completely naturally turns into an erotic massage, you are assured of relaxation in any case… René is sweet, understanding, careful, but also decisive when necessary.
I found it very emotional and confrontational that it worked right away at the first appointment. Why had I waited so long….so I missed this all these years. I can still cry. We are often so afraid and avoiding pain, that we shut down and that is such a shame.
I now regularly meet with him. Firstly, because my experience is that, as strange as it sounds, I must (and want to…) ‘maintain’ it. You’ve been set on, “sex isn’t for me and it’s never going to work out”, for so long that your brain has come to believe that… and it’s just not true. Sexuality is for everyone, and that your sexual energy is awakened is so important and so nice, also for other aspects in your life. At least I’m a happier person for it.
Secondly because I allow myself a few wonderful hours, in which the massage also plays a major role for me. I always look forward to it enormously, and it is still exciting every time. Moreover, it is nice to be with René, he is pleasant, has a sense of humor and you can talk about anything. He has the gift of giving me the feeling that I’m the only one during those hours, that it’s really just about me for a while. Emotions are always allowed to be there, even that doesn’t scare him. In my case the pain of penetration is still there at first. But I know by now that it will fade away and that I can really enjoy it after that.
I can still feel insecure sometimes. Then I’m afraid that an appointment with me must be incredibly boring, and I feel like that inexperienced woman again (which I actually am of course). I really know that it will be different with women who do not have this problem. Sometimes that still gets to me. I’m just trying to let go of that inferior feeling and just enjoy it.
René is truly an angel to me. I am very thankful that he is here. And I am absolutely proud that I made sure he was there, after all, he didn’t just ring the doorbell….
I am now almost 38 years old, in 2 months already……the years have caught up with me. For years I closed my eyes and thought that I could do it all without warmth, love, sex and affection, and that this was just my fate. Insecurity, pride and I don’t know, the genes I think, have always closed me off to intimacy. Due to a few experiences where I couldn’t be intimate with men, I analyzed it myself from vaginismus (I think this is the only correct diagnosis, unfortunately) to asexuality to I don’t know….
I somehow have nothing to do with ‘vaginal’, I don’t feel it and I’m not open to it literally and figuratively. I don’t feel like a woman, awful!!!! The pressure from the environment, and of course also from myself, is great, and people don’t understand why I’m not going to date. I can no longer explain it. The only thing that is a fact: I want an equal relationship and I will never find it this way!
So I googled and found Rene’s site. A beautiful website, in terms of content, which really appealed to me enormously and where I found recognition after years of playing hide and seek.
I don’t get really (quickly) aroused with a man (those few times it’s happened). I can have an orgasm myself, but mainly due to the fact that I cannot tolerate penetration, I conclude that I do not get (sufficiently) aroused. I can’t explain it all, but the fact is that I indeed can’t relax. But why?! I really don’t know actually. It’s in my head, some sort of mechanism apparently.
The day following the appointment:
I am grateful to Rene for this amazingly beautiful gift! It all still has to sink in, and because of the fact that it is possible, after at least 20 years (jeez!!!) I have to think very differently about men and possible relationships. That’s weird… Just the fact that I’m one step further suddenly makes me more confident. Normally I avoid conversations about sex as much as possible, and I was really completely allergic to the word virgin and by definition I turned red! Now I have the feeling that I don’t have to anymore, even if it’s still a start of course. I’m still completely happy, so……..I’d love to have a follow-up appointment!
When I think back to that first appointment two weeks later, I conclude that I actually enjoyed just about everything, it was all very nice and delicious. And all new for me.
The massage was one big party (certainly the 2nd part). I really liked the orgasms with the G-spot, but all forms of (natural) penetration are definitely at the top, because that is of course my huge focus.I would also like to practice more and find out what men like and how best to do that, that didn’t come out very well for me and I still want to learn a lot about it. Looking forward to the next appointment already.
Two weeks after:
I’m still very happy, and yes it definitely feels like the blockage in my head has disappeared!
In the months that followed, I had two more appointments with Rene where being intimate went smoothly and very natural; I’ve got a taste for it! But then things went wrong. I ended up at home with an old boyfriend, on the couch, and one thing led to another. The goal was to be intimate in the end, but this didn’t work at all… Back to square one? Two weeks later I had arranged to meet Rene again, being intimate now went smoothly.
In the following six months I met Rene four more times, which helped my self-confidence grow. In the meantime I had also registered with a dating site, and the wonders are not yet over! I got to know a nice man. We’ve seen each other about eight times now….and, we have very nice and good sex. It actually works really well and I have a lot of faith in it..
Yesterday, while I was having dinner with my date, I realized that it was exactly one year ago that my first appointment with Rene took place.
And again, there is no way to express how grateful I am to him.
For years, from the time I can remember, I have suffered from vaginismus.
I am in my thirties and yes, still a virgin, something I am very ashamed of. It’s not that I’ve never tried anything, but even inserting a finger hurts.
For a long time I have thought; this is all on me. I had many psychologists, sexologists -some were good, some very bad- and all they had was the piece of paper called a diploma.
Only one sexologist said; “you never had a good initiation and sex until you were actually ready”. At the same time she also put a mirror in front of me with what I had done wrong, but she also said; “realize that you have only been in abusive relationships that make your body react in one way or another. With you that is vaginismus. You not only have to learn to indicate your limits, but above all to dáre to indicate them. If a man does not accept your boundaries and you still stay with him, then intimacy will never work out.”
I’ve been single for two years now and I haven’t dared to date anymore. I miss the hugs and the kisses and yes, any kind of intimacy. Because if you have vaginismus it doesn’t mean you’re asexual! So I thought to myself, besides all that talking with a sexologist, there must be someone who can help me…. Maybe an experienced gigolo?! I then googled ‘vaginism’ and ‘gigolo’, and bingo!
I found René’s website and read that he had already helped many women who had been in abusive relationships and the like, and also that he had helped a woman to get rid of her vaginismus. There were many favorable stories in the media and references on his website.
So I emailed him and explained my story to him briefly. I thought, “would he respond?”, or does he find it all too difficult and too much hassle, like many men… But no, I received a friendly email back!
Okay, the date was set now and I booked a hotel. We agreed to meet in the lounge/bar first. From the moment he walked in I had a good feeling about him and of course I was still nervous but his calm demeanor and his doings calmed me.
After talking to each other for about 15 minutes, I said, “Okay, we can go to my hotel room”. He said, “I’ll go get my briefcase out of the car.” The briefcase contained all sorts of attributes such as oil, lubricant, sex toys, a fleece blanket and tea lights.
Once in the room we drank another coffee and talked some more.
Then he started to gently touch my hand and hold it. He asked me how I felt every step of the way. He then touched my upper arm, placed a hand on my face, on my knee, etc.
I lay down on the bed and he started to massage me with my clothes on. He asked me at every step how I felt, if everything was still okay. We gradually went from a relaxation massage to an erotic massage.
Because it all happened so gradually I had no trouble taking off my clothes. The 3 hours flew by…but how was it?? It was amazing, I wouldn’t have wanted to miss it and I recommend it to every woman, vaginismus or not!
And did it work? Yes and no…
I hear you thinking, huh? haha! Because there is another taboo on this: strangely enough, I can do it anal… And yes, I liked it… And yes, this was my first time anal, but we still had anal sex for about 20 minutes in different positions. Since I was still a virgin, it was such a beautiful thing to experience. For a very long time I could only dream of seeing a man enjoy it so intensely. Above me, beneath me. Yes, just like you see in the movies…
How did René feel that I might enjoy anal? That was because he started massaging there and I started moaning, he really feels you! René is a sweet, patient, nice man and he smells so good! There should be more men like him and vaginismus would vanish like snow in the sun! I feel less left out now when people talk about sex.
I’m definitely going to see him more often! Because of course I also want to know what it’s like to be vaginally intimate.
Rene, see you soon and thanks again,
The original post comes from the Dutch website De Paarse Keizerin and can be read via the link above. The translated text of the article is written out below.
Internal (alternative) treatment options for vaginismus
Unfortunately, not every woman with vaginismus will benefit from regular treatment. Many of these women continue their search and notice a reduction in their complaints through one of the internal treatment options below. Internal treatments are not sexual, but aim to reduce the complaints in your pelvic floor.
Some women with vaginistic complaints like to use a gigolo. During a first appointment, it often turns out that more is possible than women can imagine. This increases your confidence that it is possible to solve vaginismus. A good gigolo will always follow your pace and will always ask for permission in between. Penetration is not obligatory.
We have spoken to several women who have had good experiences with Gigolo René. René is described as a dear experienced gentleman. He is a calm man who makes you feel at ease and feels good about what you like. René pays close attention to hygiene and privacy, both for you and for himself.
An appointment with René lasts approximately 3 hours. Here we first drink something to get acquainted. This is followed by a constructive, quiet massage in which a piece of clothing is removed. René asks for permission every step of the way, so you keep control over what does and does not happen. What happens after the massage depends on your wishes. In some women with vaginismus, René manages to enter with a finger or toy in such a way that it is not only painless, but also pleasurable.
In some women with vaginismus, anal penetration with René also succeeds without any complaints. One week after the appointment René will contact you again to ask how things are going and if you have any questions.
You can meet at home or in a hotel. An appointment with René costs €300,- and is not reimbursed. The rate is all-inn.
More info: https://www.geniet.info/en
The prescribed estrogens relieve the symptoms. But I still feel the pain, and the associated spasms of the pelvic floor muscles. Medical assistance with the (post) menopause is relatively limited and I scour the internet for solutions and tips because I would love to have a sex life again.
Via an information site about sex and sexual problems I find a reference to René’s site. The idea that he offers practical help appeals to me and I send him a message explaining my problem and asking if he would like to help me with it. He replies quickly: he thanks me for my candid email, and yes, he can help me. He suggests that we meet a few times, each time going a step further.
The appointment takes place in a pleasant and relaxed atmosphere. Not for a moment do I feel embarrassed that I am in a hotel room with a strange man. Beforehand I was somewhat worried and nervous: would it hurt so much again and: would I cramp again? Would my body respond to touch at all? Would I be able to enjoy again and maybe even reach a climax again?
I let it all come over me, trusting that René knows how to guide me in this. I was right; he is a sweet, considerate man who does not exert any pressure and who is caring and understanding. He literally and figuratively works very carefully and does not force anything. I haven’t had any pain, I don’t have cold feet anymore and I certainly haven’t had a vaginistic reaction.
I am very grateful to him for his help and I had some wonderful afternoons. I’m already looking forward to our next appointment and I’m glad I took this step.